Thursday, August 28, 2008

Poetic License...

Robin over at Pensieve is hosting another poetry party of sorts. This month's submission is in the form of 'pensieve' (a cool style made up by her) and deals with 'Back to School'.

What is a Pensieve? - A titled, five-line poem; each line correlates to one of the five senses--sight, sound, scent, taste, touch--and describes the subject (title). The goal is for the reader to take on the poem as his own, being able to "experience" your subject through your words, by seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and feeling what you described.

Riding the Players Bus, First Football Game of the Season

School colors, banners flying, pom poms tossed carelessly, jerseys poking out of hastily packed bags, bitingly bright chip bags and soda cans line the aisles.

The tinny blaring of headphones mixes with the cacophony of girls' giggles of gossip, gutteral prayers and groans; and pops of flexing old injuries in preparation for new with the rattle of helmets on squeaky bus seats.

Old sweat never quite washed out of decades old uniforms, innocent perfume and fruit lotion combined with the burning odor of plastick-y seats, Speed Stick and the overwhelming mix of bubble gums.

Pheromones flavor the air.

Sexual tension and pre-game nerves are palpable, rayon crinkles and cotton glides over sweat soaked skin, the scant breeze blowing in the windows doing nothing to block out the oppressive heat of bodies pressed close.

5 comments:

Jana said...

Very nicely done - I am there on that bus!

lolspicegirl said...

Wowza...GREAT pensieve! I SOOoooo can "remember" that which you've described. FANTASTIC job and I'm thrilled you joined in.

lol, I giggled on your "scent" sense ;).

spwriter said...

Love the use of alliteration and the perfectly palpable sense-uality* of your pensieve poem.

*Okay, I made up that hyphenated word. But I think it's the perfect descriptor for a well-written pensieve so it needed to be coined.

lissa said...

I think spwriter use the right word to describe your poem - sense-uality - I can almost picture these hormonal teenagers all sitting together, enjoying each other's nervous company

Peculiar said...

It's obvious why the pensieve form is becoming so popular. Yours, and the others I've read so far, are exactly what the pensieve is all about. You've drawn in the full attention of your reader, and we are so there on that bus. I agree with the others, your use of sense-ual words was OUTSTANDING!! And I LOVE alliteration! I'm glad I came by here. I'm really enjoying reading the different poems today. Great job! Have a good day.