Sunday, September 2, 2007

Alone...

My hubby is no doubt enjoying a me-free weekend right now. He left this morning to go 4-wheeling about an hour from my family. I lied to my mom so she wouldnt feel bad about it. Granted, he only asked for "an extra seat" but both vehicles had empty backseats. Guess there was no room for me to tag along. I'm sure my mom could have been convinced to drive to get me and bring me back. While I don't really relish 2 days alone, but I dont think 2 days without a bathroom is that great either. One guy he went with had a girlfriend with him, so undoubtably she can either squat better than me, or they're going to bend over backwards to make sure she has a place to pee. Either way, I wasn't invited. So, I'm here, alone, while my hubby is an hour away from my family on a holiday weekend. Did I mention I dont know anyone here? It's crazy. I guess I just never thought that I'd be stuck here, alone, not to mention it's been 9 hours and he hasn't called. Pretty sure he'll wait til just before he goes to sleep, call me for 5 minutes and crash. He told me to call if I needed him, and most guys will give the odd man out hell if his wife calls otherwise, so I'm here twiddling my thumbs until he gets back. By then it will be time to crash again so I can get up for work on Tuesday. Lovely. Usually I have a million things to do, but no, right now I have nothing I can do. I've been watching B movies on TV. These guys all plan these events around holidays, cause you know, everyone can come. The problem is, that's when we ride around together, we talk about the future (which we dont ever seem to do except during those times-life seems to get in the way), do our bonding that I'm way too tired to do otherwise, just relax and have a good time, I feel free, like my old self. I kind of miss the fact that I won't get that. Why is it that I feel the most myself when I have time to just be with him? And I won't get another break until probably Thanksgiving, and that's going to be traveling to be with family, etc etc and well that's not exactly relaxing. It's more stressful. All that aside, I'm sure he's having a great time and will be renewed and refreshed and maybe tired, but he'll be ready to dig back into work. And I'll just want to talk to him because I'll have been alone for 48 hours with no one to talk to. I try sooo hard to be supportive and let him have some guy time, but why does it always involve more than a day away? Why can't he take an afternoon and do this stuff? Why can't people get that holidays are for family time? And if you don't make it family friendly, the family isn't going to be able to come? And, of course, I know he's going to read this, that's why I wrote it after he left. I don't want him to feel like he's not able to go away because I'll become all neurotic on him, and start to resent me. Because I dont need that toxic in my relationship. I'll be fine once he's home again. I just hate watching the darkness fall alone, sleeping alone. Is that so wrong?

2 comments:

ChrisB said...

When my hubby took his sister off to France for a few days I decided that it was 'me time' I got in my favourite treats and I could eat when I felt hungry. I watched a couple of good movies and I was reading until 1am. and getting up late. But I can understand how you feel and if I were young I don't think I would have appreciated being left alone over a holiday weekend.

Kellie said...

I get how you feel. Before I had my daughter, I hated being home alone. But, I started taking his time with his friends on their Harleys as "me" time (like Chrisb said above). I'd do what I want, eat what I want, watch what I want. It was nice. Now? When he goes someplace for a few hour or over night and takes Morgan with him? I LOVE it.

Hang in there...you'll be alright :)